Exploring Other Models of Grief and Loss

For as long as humans have felt attachment—to people, to identities, to passions—humans have felt grief at the loss of those attachments. Grief is one of the most fundamental human experiences, yet it is also often one of the least understood. Building an understanding of what grief is and how to move through it can help people better understand their own grief journey.

The Classic Model

Swiss-American psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross first introduced the five stages of grief in her 1969 book, On Death and Dying*. This book, based on her clinical work with the dying, was intended as a guide for healthcare providers to give them insight into what their patients were going through. In this work, she introduced the idea of the five stages of grief:

• Denial
• Anger
• Bargaining
• Depression
• Acceptance

Since then, the idea of stages of grief has become part of our greater cultural understanding, with models including up to twelve distinct stages. However, it is crucial to remember that these stages are not linear. Folks going through grief and loss can experience the different emotional aspects of that loss at any time and in any order. It is not uncommon to bounce through feelings such as anger, guilt, sadness, or shock and then return to other feelings or stages.

Moving Beyond Stages: Other Models of Grief

As our understanding of grief and loss has advanced, other practitioners have developed models that move beyond the stage concept.

Tasks of Grief Model

In 1982, J. William Worden first introduced the concept of the Four Tasks of Mourning in his book Grief Counseling and Grief Therapy**:

• To accept the reality of the loss
• To process the pain of grief
• To adjust to a world without the deceased
• To find an enduring connection with the deceased while embarking on a new life

Worden’s model, most recently updated in 2009, emphasizes active engagement with grief, suggesting that mourning is a process that involves specific tasks rather than passive stages.

More modern models of grief shift away from the idea of simply accepting loss or letting go. In their 1996 book, Continuing Bonds: New Understandings of Grief, Klass, Silverman, and Nickman propose that while death ends a life, it does not end a relationship***. They argue for a model where we accept the deceased as both present and absent, finding ways to continue a relationship with the loved one while moving forward.

The Dual Process Model

Another influential approach is the Dual Process Model of Coping with Bereavement, introduced by Margaret Stroebe and Henk Schut in 1999****. This model suggests that grieving individuals oscillate between two types of stressors:

• Loss-oriented stressors: Focus on processing the loss itself, dealing with feelings of grief and remembering the deceased.
• Restoration-oriented stressors: Involve adjusting to life changes, managing daily tasks, and developing new roles and identities.

This model highlights the dynamic nature of grief, where individuals switch between confronting their loss and engaging in life activities that provide a break from intense emotions.

Practical Implications

Understanding these various models can provide a more nuanced view of grief, allowing for a more personalized approach to coping with loss. In my own work with clients and through making sense of my personal grief, I have found several truths:

• There is no grief without guilt: Many people struggle with feelings of guilt after a loss, questioning what they could have done differently.
• There is no need to find any loss “acceptable”: Acceptance doesn’t mean being okay with the loss but rather acknowledging its reality.
• Grief is both universal and personal: No two people grieve in the same way.
• Existing coping mechanisms are crucial: The ways you managed stress and loss before will be the tools you use to navigate new losses.
• Expression of grief is often challenging: People in the midst of grief may feel isolated and misunderstood, struggling to communicate their feelings.

Using Different Models to Navigate Grief

While the overall process of grief is universal, different types of loss have unique aspects that can make moving through the grief process more challenging. By exploring and understanding these models, individuals can find more tailored ways to navigate their grief.

In my work with clients, helping people understand the process of grief has helped them feel like they have a roadmap for their journey. This vital education allows them to build compassion for themselves and feel less alone in working through grief. Hopefully, learning about these newer models of grief will help others as well.

If you are struggling with feelings of grief, please use the contact form to schedule a free 15-minute consultation.